🔗 Share this article

In the run-up to Christmas, I had an remarkable episode. I think it did me good. This occurred at a get-together of some old friends, who are, as it happens tooth doctors, but that’s not important. The attending crowd were solely men, which turns out to be significant.

An Unfamiliar Scenario

The location was a tavern experiencing a excellent custom. A forgotten session was enjoyed by everyone. Good cuisine, good beverages and remarkably amusing tales about teeth. Inevitably, the moment arrived for excursions to the male facilities. Those who departed, I half-noticed, looked to be away a considerable while. I didn't contemplate why this could be, but when it became me next, all became clear.

Upon turning the bend, and what should I find but a long queue for the gents' lavatory. Not a single person waiting for the female facilities, but a considerable queue for the gents'. What bizarre turn was this? This was an unfamiliar scene any of us in this gathering were accustomed to.

A Taste of Everyday Life

To be perfectly clear, I do not seek or anticipate empathy from any lady here. I am obviously conscious that, for ladies, being forced to wait to use a restroom is the norm. On countless occasions have I observed women waiting in a row while men in the identical venue have to do no such thing?

In addition to the annoyance of having to queue to use a convenience, there’s a hint of embarrassment about standing there, awaiting something that men generally don’t have to wait for. It was profoundly bracing to have a sample of it myself, observing the opposite gender glide through the portal while I was forced to line up dutifully in line with my companions, fiddling at whatever we had in our jackets and scrolling through our phones.

The Genre of Toilet Queue Banter

There’s a entire conversational genre here – lavatory line banter – of which men have minimal familiarity. Females, I presume, have become adept to be fairly skilled at it, sharing polite remarks and an engaging comment or two.

About this topic I’ve asked some female friends of my circle. The prevailing view is that queue-based communication is confined to the odd weary glance and the phrase: “Screw this, I’m going to use the men’s.” A associate informed me it’s merely at the sinks afterwards that chat tends to begin.

If I was a woman, I’d waste no time on either pleasantries or quiet. If I was compelled, time and again, to wait in a public line only for the chance to use the toilet, I’d rant angrily like crazy at the sheer unfairness of it. A useful measure for any modern community would be equal waiting times in urination waiting times. I’m looking for research on this.

Male Interaction in the Procession

Returning to my queue, I tried to initiate some friendly chat started about this unprecedented situation of ours. I sighed a bit, gave a weary look and said something to the effect of: “So, this is an unpleasant variation, right boys?”

One person smiled, another looked blank, a third seemed awkward. Another rolled his eyes as if this was yet another manifestation of modern woes, political correctness etc. Otherwise, stillness ensued. An individual came out, adjusting his clothing. The group shuffled up a spot. Another two men joined the back of it. I let out a breath.

A Knowing Interaction

A woman emerged out of the adjacent toilet, all fragrant and unhurried. It was just fine for some. I smiled apologetically at her, endeavouring to communicate acknowledgement of this reversed situation. She said: “Don't turn to me for sympathy, you blighter. Return when you’ve experienced this a hundred more times and only then I may give you the time.”

In reality, she did not utter that. She didn’t say a word. But I know that’s what she was feeling. And I truly could not censure her.